67:: getting vulnerable about my own mental health journey & faith

Speaker: 00:00:00

Today we're gonna get a little

vulnerable about mental health.

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I know so many of us have mental

health challenges and we have ups

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and downs with our mental health.

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And I'm in this period of being

able to sort of talk about

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some of my own challenges.

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So we're gonna get a little

bit vulnerable today.

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Talk about mental health, and then talk

about ways that I've seen progress within

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my own mental health and hopefully.

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I guess help those of you guys who

have also experienced mental health

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challenges to not feel so alone.

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So welcome back to

Wellness Fix of the Pod.

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I'm your host, Dr.

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Kelsey Vic, a board certified

orthopedic doctor of physical therapy

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and a pelvic floor physical therapist

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. and mental health, especially over the

last three years has been something

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that has been on my mind a lot.

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It has taken a lot of my own

effort in order to get to the

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place that I am at right now.

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And we won't be going into

specifics, but I just want to

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share some of the things that.

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I felt when going through my

own mental health struggles.

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And then also what I'm noticing now, my

word of the year for: 2025

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Healing my brain, healing my mental

health, my body, my physical self, how

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I feel psychologically, my relationships

healing in a variety of ways.

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And we are going through some exciting

changes as a family and something that.

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I have been looking forward to for a

very long time, but something that's

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also causing a little bit of anxiety.

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And so it's sort of been my first test

after learning new tactics and tools

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throughout therapy and throughout the

last like three years, going through

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my own mental health struggles where

I'm finally able to realize like,

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oh my gosh, Kelsey, all of that

hard work is paying off right now.

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I can see that in how I'm handling

some of these just more anxious,

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more nerve wracking struggles, even

though it's for something that's

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very exciting for our family.

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I guess a little bit of a backstory on my

own, sort of like growing up, I was always

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a very positive and optimistic person.

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I have always relied heavily on my faith.

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I've always been someone who turns to her

faith and her relationship with God in

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order to help whenever she's struggling.

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Even way back in middle school and

high school, Kelsey dealing with

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boys troubles and friend troubles

and things that right now are.

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Something that are so far from my

mind, but something that Littler

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Kelsey was definitely struggling

with and I was always optimistic.

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I was always positive about it.

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And so I never really got into this deep

mental health struggle where it was tough

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for me to climb back out of that hole.

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And I know many of you guys

have been in that hole and.

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Some way younger than me at, you know,

8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old, 13 years old,

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some in high school, some in college.

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I guess I feel very privileged to say

mine happened later on in life that I had

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a very easy time with my mental health,

relatively speaking when I was younger.

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And then it wasn't until about three

years ago where something just shifted

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in my external circumstances that caused

me to sort of spiral a little bit and.

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I finally understood what other people

were talking about when they say they.

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It felt like they didn't necessarily

have any more hope or they couldn't feel

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fully happy, a hundred percent happy.

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They didn't feel like themselves.

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They felt a shell of themselves.

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I have a really good friend who in

PT school, she would tell me, she's

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like, I don't know how you guys

stayed friends with me in PT school,

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because I was a shell of myself,

and I never truly understood that.

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I'd been through stresses in life.

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I'd been through grief and sadness and

heartbreak and all of those things, but.

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My faith, I think helped me with that

and the strength of my relationship

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with God helped me with that to

realize that it was all working

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for the good in my life eventually,

even if it was a momentary struggle.

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But over the last three years or

so, I finally got to a point where.

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There times when I did not have that hope.

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I did not have that ability to see into

the future and actually believe that

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something good was coming out of this.

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And that's a really scary place to be

and I know a lot of you guys have also

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been there and might still be there.

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And if you are in that

position, I am not someone to.

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Discount that at all.

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Like I'm not someone who's going

to invalidate that at all because

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I have totally been there.

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It is a scary, scary place to be and it's

somewhere that I was for a very long time

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and I'm gonna, I guess tell you guys what

has helped me today to get out of that.

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But I totally expect myself to also have

those struggles possibly again and again.

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But now I feel like I do have.

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a better understanding of what got me

into that position in the first place.

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And tools to help me if

I am in that position.

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And then tools to hopefully help

me to climb my way back out.

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And again, if you're in that

position right now, I am.

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I don't think I can

adequately say with words how.

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much I wish you were out of this, I guess,

and how much, knowing that what, oh gosh.

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Tears, I guess, but knowing where

I was probably about two years ago

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or a year and a half ago, it's.

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It's a scary, scary place.

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And I guess the advice that I

can give right now, and something

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that is hopefully encouraging is

to just keep trudging through.

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Just, it feels sometimes

like you're digging a hole.

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This is the image that always came to

mind when I was going through all of this

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and when I was journaling and trying to.

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Put words to how I was feeling,

or images to how I was feeling.

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It felt like I was

digging, trying to get out.

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But what I was really doing was just

digging further and further down.

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And the image that always came to mind

as someone who relies heavily on our

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faith, is that image of me digging

a hole, me facing down, just digging

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that hole for myself, trying to get

out, thinking I'm going the right way.

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When in reality God is leaning over the

hole, hand extended waiting for me just

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to grasp it so that he can help me out.

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And it was this image that

helped me, understand how I

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was feeling in that moment.

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And I just, I really, as much as I can

understand, given my own circumstances

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compared to your circumstances, which

I'm sure are very different than my own,

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and probably way worse than what I was

going through, because let's be real.

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There were so many times that I

felt guilty for feeling that way,

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knowing that so many people have

struggles far greater than mine.

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But just know if you're

in that position that I.

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That this episode's for you to hopefully

help you feel a little bit less alone

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and to maybe give you guys some tips and

tricks to implement in your own life.

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And then also let's make this a two-way

street because I know so many of us

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are going to struggle with it again.

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And I'd love what has helped you

guys in the past too, or what is

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helping you right now as you're going

through this mental health challenge.

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So I guess a little bit more of

what was going on for me mentally,

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My experiences had shifted.

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My external environment had shifted.

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how I viewed myself, how I lived my

life, how I experienced joy, happiness,

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peace, positivity, all of that shifted

about three years ago, and I didn't

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expect it to happen necessarily.

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I was okay with that shift

in external circumstances.

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I had agreed to that shift in external

circumstances, Looking back, and

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even during, I had this thought

that I am going through significant

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mental health struggles right now.

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I'm really trying to fight my mind

and fight my brain and fight what's

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happening with all of my neurochemistry,

all of my emotions, and I know that

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it is going to make me stronger.

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But when you're in that

place, you absolutely hate it.

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It freaking sucks, right?

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It's, you know that there's going

to be this stronger version on the

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other side, but you can't see the

light at the end of the tunnel.

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You don't know when that's gonna happen.

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And I think part of that is faith

had really helped me to have that

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perspective even when I was, I guess

deeper in the pits a little bit,

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where I always knew that things, and I

believe that things work for the good

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of our world and the good of ourselves

and the good of our relationships.

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And so I have that like deeper

belief that helped, but.

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The longer it went on, and the more

I struggled and the more I kept

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trying to climb outta that hole,

but really digging it further,

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the less and less I believed it.

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And that's a really scary place to be.

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And for someone who had really

had a strong relationship in her

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faith, I started to get angry.

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I started to get frustrated.

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I started to ask questions like, why me?

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Like so many of us probably have and.

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I think that was actually really healthy.

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I think being honest in my faith

and in my relationship with God was

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something that really helped me as.

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Someone who strongly believes that

God loves me so much and wants the

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best for me, if I can be honest

with him about where I'm at.

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I think that only helps to

build that relationship.

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So that is, I guess one of my tips that I

learned was not trying to be so positive

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all the time about the situation that

you're in, but being real and letting.

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Your faith guide you, but also

being honest about where you're at.

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And that's something that I had

pushed away for so long because I

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used to, I guess, gaslight myself

and be like, Kelsey, you don't

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have it as bad as some people.

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Like you have no reason to be angry.

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And maybe that is true.

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I mean, I know that so many

people have it worse than me and.

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I know that my situation could not

even come close to the struggles

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that some people face, but for me

and for my life, for some reason,

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that's what really set it off.

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And so it's okay to validate your own

feelings, validate your own anger, and be

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honest about your relationship with your

faith and your relationship with God,

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and saying, I trust you wholeheartedly.

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But I'm angry right now because

I don't understand why I'm having

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to walk through this, why I'm

having to sludge through this.

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And so that's one of the

things that helped me.

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So again, if you're in that situation

right now, if you have been in that

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situation, I'm sure you've also realized

that and understood that, especially

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if you have a strong faith or a faith

in general It's something that I do

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think really helped me and probably

took me far too long to learn, but

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being real about where you're at in

your struggle really, really helps.

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So mentally, because I had agreed to

this experience and agreed to these

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changes in my life, I had, started to.

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Shut myself down whenever I felt happy,

peaceful, joyful, anything like that

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because I felt like I didn't deserve it.

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I felt like I needed to keep my nose

to the grind and keep pushing, keep

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hustling, keep just like working so,

so hard and that I didn't necessarily

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deserve that happiness or that joy

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Over time, I didn't realize I was

doing this, but anytime I would feel

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happiness with anything in life, I

would start to put a fence or put a

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barrier around that emotion and really

control it, which we don't wanna do.

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We want to be able to feel all

the emotions, both favorable

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and unfavorable emotions.

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But I had been putting.

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A fence and a barrier around the

max happiness that I could feel.

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And it started manifesting itself

physically so I could feel it in my chest.

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I could feel it in my headaches.

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I could feel things where I noticed

myself just blocking some of these

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emotions, and that's positive ones.

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And also like sadness,

anxiety, frustration.

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I was pushing that down without

actually paying attention to it.

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So the physicality of those emotions

and the manifestations of those emotions

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physically is really what led me to

seek therapy and seek professional

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guidance with this, because it was the

first time that I'd really struggled

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this much intrinsically and internally.

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I was fighting myself.

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I was fighting my brain.

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What's the right thing to do?

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Where do I push myself?

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And I really wanted.

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Someone else's help to work

through that in a healthy way.

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And for me, again, my faith is a

huge part of how I handle certain

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things and how I live life.

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And I knew that I wanted a therapist

who had a faith-based perspective.

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And so I went about looking

for someone like that.

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And I know so many of my friends who

have different life experiences than

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me also look for therapists that.

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Work with people with their same

life experiences, whether you want

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a female or a male, whether you want

someone who has the same cultural

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background or ethnicity that you do.

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Someone who has the same family life

or the same beliefs or the same values.

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So I really did want that faith-based

perspective and that faith-based

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guidance with who I chose to work with

in therapy, and I found an amazing.

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Person and someone that I ended up

working with for like 18 months.

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And so I guess if you're going

through that and you're struggling to

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realize like, oh, is this something

that someone else can help me with?

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Yes.

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I highly recommend reaching out to someone

and again, I feel very blessed that I'm

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only going through this later on in life.

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I know plenty of friends and family

members that have had to get professional

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help earlier on in life, and they have way

better backgrounds on it than I do, but

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as someone who had to seek out

professional help for mental health

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struggles in her later twenties, I

realize now that they are there to

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support you and they truly do support you.

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And if you don't feel supported,

that's the other thing.

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you don't have to stick

with the same therapist.

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You can try and find someone who

you actually feel supported by and

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who feels like they're guiding you.

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Or who you feel like is

guiding you in a positive way.

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So highly recommend, especially if you

are currently going through a mental

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health struggle, or again, in the future

when we're inevitably all going to

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experience some of these challenges.

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So I guess my schedule for that, I started

out weekly then every other week, then

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once a month, and then every few months.

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So it just sort of, I wanted that

consistency and that ability to sort

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of have this accountability for how

I was working and healing my own

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internal conflict, my own brain.

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The other thing that really helped me

and something that I still do is weekly

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adoration It's a dedicated prayer time

for me that's like an hour a week.

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I bring my journal, I bring the readings

from the week before I go over it.

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sometimes I'll bring headphones

to listen to different faith-based

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messages or different faith-based

prayers that I can follow along with.

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It's really just this dedicated

hour that I participate in every

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week, and I wish I had the.

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consistency every day to do it for an

hour, but it's this really dedicated

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time where I could just journal out

my thoughts I think the important

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thing to note with dedicated prayer

time or dedicated investment into

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your faith, I look at it as a two-way

street, and this has really helped me.

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A relationship is two ways.

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Oftentimes with our faith, what happens

is we start to ask God or thank God or.

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Make it all about us, I guess, and

what we can get out of that interaction

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and that relationship when in reality

the best relationships are two ways.

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You both get something from

each other a little bit.

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And this hour a week, sometimes after I

would feel like I solved all my problems.

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Like the world was in a better place.

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Like I was in a better place.

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And then sometimes it was like nothing

had changed, like nothing had happened.

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Sometimes I felt emotion stirring

that were a little worse than before.

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But something that I've realized

is it's the act of showing up.

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It's the act of putting in

that effort and consistently.

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Communicating with God every single week,

no matter if I get something out of it,

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because that's not true love, right?

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If you're expecting to get something out

of a relationship that's not true love.

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True love is showing up even when

you don't get something out of it.

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And building on that relationship

and trying to invest in that

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relationship, knowing that you

might not get anything in return.

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And I think that was something that

was very important for me to learn and

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realize over the last, now probably

three or four years that I've been

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going to weekly adoration, where even

if I don't get anything out of it.

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It's my way of investing in that

relationship and showing up and loving

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and investing into my faith without

expectation of anything in return.

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And.

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Yes, it gave me time to write

down my thoughts to pray,

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which are all good things.

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But if you go into any prayer time

expecting something in return, I feel

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like we're already entering into that

in A faulty mindset a little bit, rather

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than going into it as like, Hey, this is

my way of building my faith and building

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that relationship and making it a two-way

street, no matter if I get something in

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return, that being maybe this positive

feeling or this enlightenment of some

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sort or not, it's still my way of showing

God that I care about our relationship.

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So that was, I guess, my way to do it.

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There's so many ways to do it, but going

to that weekly adoration and having this

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like weekly prayer time for an hour.

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Where I could truly just spend it

on our relationship was huge for me.

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Also, learning how to communicate better.

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That's probably one of the things I

went to therapy for initially was how

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do I communicate how I'm feeling without

burdening others and realizing that.

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I can only control what I can control,

and I can't control how others respond.

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And so learning how to communicate

better and practicing better

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communication was also huge for me.

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And again, I know I'm so late to learning

all of these things, but if you're also

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in the same boat, if you're younger than

me, if you're older than me, whatever, I

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hope that some of these things help too.

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Daily prayer also really helped.

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And even if that wasn't just like

free form, sometimes I'd pray the

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serenity prayer because again,

I struggle with like control.

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I wanted to control everything.

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So the serenity prayer is God, grant me

the serenity to accept the things I cannot

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change, the courage to change the things I

can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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And I would pray that every morning I'd

pray just different sort of like prayers.

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As like my pre meal time prayers, just

to like have that I guess moment and that

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dedicated moment to check in and connect

with my faith a little bit throughout

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that whole process, but also, even

still, And then I started running again.

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I started running for fun.

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I started doing movement to help my

mental health, which I'd always done

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that with strength and Pilates based

workouts, and just movement in general.

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But I'd taken out long runs because

I typically think of running as

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a way to increase speed, increase

different variables related

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to my cardiovascular health.

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Like there was always an

objective measurement when in

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reality running can just be fun.

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You could just go out there and run,

and I had never really done that before.

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I'd always had a goal in mind, but

throughout all of this I realized

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my heart rate would increase, my

blood pressure would increase.

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all of these things would manifest

themselves physically and running for

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the sake of running and for the sake of.

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The enjoyment of running

was hugely helpful for me,

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so I wanted to get a little bit

vulnerable about mental health this

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week because I think I mentioned at the

beginning, we are going through this

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exciting change time in my own family,

and it's something that we have been

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excited about for a very long time.

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But it's also something that creates

a little bit of anxiety, a little bit

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of nervousness within me, and I could.

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Sense myself wanting to go

back into some of those thought

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patterns that I had previously.

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Not necessarily that deep pit that I felt

like I was in, but being a little bit

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more negative or not necessarily trusting

that this was God's plan for our lives.

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: 00:19:10

And so I wanted to talk

about it because I've really.

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Noticed over the last probably three,

four weeks that this change has been

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going on, that my mindset in general

has been so much more positive.

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I've been able to look back and see where

God has been working in this process and

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understand that he will continue to work

throughout the rest of this process.

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: 00:19:30

And it's something that I don't think

I could have done a year ago, two years

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: 00:19:35

ago, three years ago, when I was in this

place where I wouldn't have been able

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: 00:19:39

to hope or feel that joy or peace with

some of the decisions that we've made.

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I wouldn't have been able to

see necessarily how God had been

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: 00:19:46

working throughout this process.

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I was just, there was a fog, right?

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: 00:19:50

So now that I'm out of that a little bit

and, and working to heal and working to

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fight and have the tools to be able to

help heal my brain a little bit better.

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I understand and I can see the, fruits

of my labor I've been able to see.

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Exactly how God has been

working in this process.

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And I truly do trust and feel peace

about how he's gonna work through the

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next, and this is why I wanted to bring

up this topic today was because only

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just recently, this has been a test

since going through all of the work

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that I've been putting in over the

last two or three years where I now

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realize, oh, that actually did help.

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My mind is able to.

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Look at things in this, this new light.

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: 00:20:32

Without feeling despair or feeling this

anxiety or lack of being in control,

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I'm able to stay more hopeful about the

process, feel like myself throughout

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: 00:20:42

the process, even if it does feel out

of my control or bring me some anxiety.

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I told my sister-in-law the other

day, she was texting me and she

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: 00:20:49

was like, oh my gosh, that, you

know, everything that's going on in

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y'all's lives is crazy right now.

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: 00:20:53

And I was like, you know, for some reason

I do feel this peace and I can only

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: 00:20:59

think that that is from God because my

natural wiring is not one towards peace.

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It is one towards control and

I wanna control everything.

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: 00:21:06

And right now in this process, it's

something that I have no control over.

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And I feel like overall I'm just

proud of how much work I've put in

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in order to be able to handle it.

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So that's why I wanted to bring it up

today and because I'm fresh in this

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: 00:21:19

process and in this change, and I am

just feeling very proud of the hard work

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that I've put in and how I'm handling it

now during this sort of test season of

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excitement, this lack of control, anxiety,

nerves, but overall feeling this like joy,

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peace, happiness, and able to see how God

has been working through this process.

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Something that's also been helping me

is this quote that I read somewhere.

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I wish I could remember where, but it

has to do with faith and decisions.

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I know a lot of us have a lot of

decisions to make, whether that's

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: 00:21:53

grad school, whether that's classes

to take, whether that's different

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: 00:21:56

phases in life or job opportunities

or internships, whatever it might be.

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: 00:22:01

This quote has sort of been

going through my head that.

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Discernment ends once a decision

has been made, and so discerning and

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: 00:22:09

thinking, did I do the right thing or,

which route does he want me to take?

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When it comes to my faith, as

soon as a decision has been made,

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that's when discernment ends.

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So it has helped me to

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. Not backtrack and think,

why did we choose that?

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: 00:22:22

did we do something wrong?

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: 00:22:24

Because once a decision has been

made, and once you move forward

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: 00:22:26

in that process, that's when the

new routes present themselves.

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: 00:22:30

And most of the time you can reroute

from that decision to another way

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: 00:22:34

and, and he'll guide you in that.

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: 00:22:35

But I think that's helped me

in this process to understand.

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: 00:22:39

Discernment is over once a decision

has been made so that once you decide

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: 00:22:43

there's no what ifs, don't go back

to the what ifs, start from that

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: 00:22:47

decision and move on from there.

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: 00:22:48

So that's really helped me.

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: 00:22:49

I don't know if that quote like

resonates with any of you guys,

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: 00:22:51

but hopefully, because it's helped

me a lot throughout this process.

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: 00:22:54

So I share all of this.

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: 00:22:55

I get vulnerable with all of this

just to show, I guess, a little

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: 00:22:58

bit of my own healing arc and to.

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: 00:23:02

Hopefully help you guys if y'all

are going through this, if you have

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: 00:23:05

gone through this before, if you

anticipate yourself about to go through

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: 00:23:08

something like this to understand that

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: 00:23:11

there are people out there who can help.

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: 00:23:13

That healing takes time and it's okay

to put in the effort even if you don't

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: 00:23:18

feel the benefits or the fruits of your

labor for, you know, two, three years

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: 00:23:23

at a time that a lot of the time some

of the healing comes and you notice

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: 00:23:28

some of the healing when you undergo

something similar that got you into

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: 00:23:32

that situation in the first place.

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: 00:23:33

And.

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: 00:23:34

Yeah, I'm just noticing all of this.

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: 00:23:36

I'm just living it in real time,

and I wanted to have a little

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: 00:23:39

bit of a vulnerable mental

health chat with you guys today.

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: 00:23:42

I know these are supposed to be fun,

girly, casual summer chats, but.

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: 00:23:46

this has been something that's been

on my mind recently and something

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: 00:23:49

that I know a lot of us struggle with.

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: 00:23:51

So I hope you guys enjoyed

this episode today.

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: 00:23:54

I hope you got a lot out of it.

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: 00:23:55

If you've also gone through your own

mental health struggles, I'd love

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: 00:23:58

to hear what helps you, because I'm

always interested in, I think even

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: 00:24:02

if you're not going through your

mental health struggle, doing things

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: 00:24:04

that are good for your mental health.

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: 00:24:05

Every week, every day is something

that's hugely beneficial.

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: 00:24:08

So even if you're not going

through a struggle, but you have

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: 00:24:11

things that help your own mental

health, please let me know.

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: 00:24:13

I'd love to listen to 'em.

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: 00:24:15

I'd love to hear about 'em.

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: 00:24:16

I'd love to try them in my own life.

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: 00:24:18

So I've shared with you guys some

of my top, I think like five today.

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: 00:24:21

But if you guys have your own,

please, I am wanting to hear them.

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: 00:24:25

I hope you guys enjoyed this episode

and I'll see you guys again in the next

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: 00:24:28

episode of Wellness Exists, the pod.